My daughter really wants access to instagram and snapchat and all i seemed to be doing is saying no to her demands when she asks. However i know better, i don't want to create a relationship where she believes that i am not listening to her reasons why she needs access!
The thing is, I always say no with very little explanation or should I say a response that she feels is valued. What she states to me is that I am stopping her from connecting with her friends daily and causing her to be an outsider. As she Says "Going to school each day reinforces sometimes how a I feel like an outsider from the girls in my group" school each day without knowing what the lateness thing is that happened in the besties group.
As she is saying this to me realise that my inner dialogue is "I know what it is to be an outsider and having the need to fit in. Even today, I still want to fit in! I so understand that feeling of not being ..... enough. I begin to think that I don't want my daughter to be an outsider and I don't want to be that parent that doesnt recognise the importance of fitting in for a teenage girl. It's then that I need to go back to my values and not respond to my emotional heart. What I think, or should I saw know is that my values are the constant and emotions are changeable. Fitting in and belonging is important, but it shouldn't be our driver that makes you want the latest thing or have to act in a certain way to fit in with your peers. Our core family values are that people should like you for who you are on the inside, not what you present on the outside.